It’s just as tricky to generalise about friendship issues as it is to figure out how to fix them. Each friend is unique and your relationship with them is developed over time.
Some situations might seem similar or share common threads, but when you dig into the details, every friendship has its own path shaped by a unique blend of personalities, circumstances, and history. As well as give and take scenarios.
When a serious issue does come up in a friendship, it usually catches you off guard, leaves you feeling let down, and can be really awkward to handle.
Communication is crucial, but often we’re unsure what to say or how to navigate a tough situation.
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What if a friend leaves you on read?
Give them the benefit of the doubt. And give them a few hours. It is quite possible they are in the middle of finishing an important work meeting, or they’re on the last episode of Monsters – they probably just need a bit of time.
If they leave you on read for more than a day (and they normally don’t do that) it might be time for a follow-up. You may also (gasp) call them.
If they still don’t respond, you might have to wait out a few more days and try again. If the read is still not budging, you might have to read the room and go to the question about ghosting.
Quick note: if they do get back to you eventually, it might help to openly discuss what the expectation is and to clarify how you hope your friendship dynamic to be like. them telling you they need some space or time – is perfectly adult and healthy.
What if your friend always cancels plans?
This can be frustrating and lead to feelings of being undervalued. It might also discourage you from making another plan with them again. Honestly, that’s fair and justified if they are habitual canceller.
It’s recommended to address the issue directly with your friend and ask them to be more reliable.
What if your friend is being bullied and you’re unsure how to help?
It is a struggle with watching a friend being mistreated. It’s ok to call it out in private: It was a bit uncomfortable watching their behaviour with – what are your thoughts?
If it is very serious, you might need to involve other loved ones to help them deal with the situation better. Or even to acknowledge it.
A good approach is to offer them a trusting space where they are open to sharing with you. Then by offering support, helping your friend feel heard, and standing up for them when possible.
What if your best friend starts excluding you after meeting new friends?
This is a painful scenario many people face. Even as adults, this can be very confronting and disappointing. Understanding that your friendship might have run its course is important.
It’s important to have an open conversation with your friend, but sometimes accepting the situation and seeking new friendships might be necessary.
What if your friend makes choices you don’t agree with?
Rather than imposing your opinion, it’s best to respect their decisions. The one scenario where you might have to take action is if those choices seem harmful.
In such cases, providing honest but gentle feedback is key.
If the decision is life-changing like a partner, gently sharing your opinion might help. But it might backfire as well so you need to read the room.
What if a friend ghosted you?
Being left without explanation can hurt, but sometimes closure has to come from within, rather than from the other person. Letting go and moving forward can help with healing.
Think back to the moments you enjoyed of the friendship, with the understanding that they are a part of your past and not your present or future.
What if your friend starts acting distant?
People grow apart for various reasons, but communication is key to figuring out if the friendship can be saved. If it cannot, you have to swallow the bitter pill and accept.
Sometimes, maintaining a more distant connection is the best approach
What if you’re feeling left out by a group of friends?
This is particularly tough. A possible solution is addressing the situation directly with one or more friends, in a private, casual chat. Based on what you learn, you need to decide if this group is worth saving, and worth having in your life.
If the reason might have something to do with you which is alterable, make the change to save the friendship. E.g. you’re the person described earlier as the person who constantly cancels plans. You might end up getting left out. So make amends, apologise and show up for your friends.
If it’s something unacceptable, or there is no reason, finding other social groups where you feel more included is the best course of action.
What if you and your friend have drifted apart due to life changes?
Friendships change as life progresses. Understanding that some friendships evolve or fade can help, but it’s also possible to reconnect with intentional effort.
What if your friend’s behavior embarrasses you in public?
If this becomes a pattern, it might be helpful to talk to your friend about how their actions make you feel. Sometimes setting boundaries can preserve the friendship. Be respectful when you communicate, but you need to be respected too.
What if your friend expects too much from you emotionally?
When friendships becomes one-sided, it’s important to express your own needs and ensure the relationship remains balanced. You might tell them you’re taking a break and keep distance, or you might do so without telling them, with the hope that they are self-aware enough to reach out to you with empathy.
Taking time for self-care is crucial in such situations.
Friendships are two-way relationships, and not like a parent-child one-way relationship.
What if your friend is being a cunt?
You know what I mean. This is beyond someone who is embarrassing. This person is unkind and mean, or is careless with other people’s feelings. There are many stressors in life and some people react this way, as a result of work, marriage, health or something similar struggles.
You need to call out their behaviour – again in private – and tell them the consequences. You need to set hard boundaries and let them know what is a hard limit for you. If they cross it, they will lose your friendship.